ALPHA SCHOOL PROMISED KIDS WOULD LEARN TWICE AS FAST — 58% DIDN'T | October 25, 2026 |…

ALPHA SCHOOL PROMISED KIDS WOULD LEARN TWICE AS FAST — 58% DIDN'T

Alpha's own pitch: learn twice as much in two hours a day

Generated editorial portrait of Sam Altman in the unified mugshot-v2 dossier style.

SAM ALTMAN

TEXAS SUES OPENAI — WANTS A JUDGE TO VET EVERY NEW MODEL

The suit cites eight cases of people who committed violent acts after consulting ChatGPT

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Satirical cartoon: a small robot carrying a laptop walks out of Anthropic's shop, past a FULL PRICE sign and an arms-crossed robot shopkeeper, toward OpenAI's green shop where a crowd of cheerful robots streams in under a giant yellow 30% OFF banner.

REPLIT TOOK THE COUPON — $100M+ OF AI SPEND JUMPS TO OPENAI ON 30% OFF

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Satirical cartoon: a panicked man frantically types on an unplugged keyboard, its USB plug dangling over the desk edge, while a robot works the real keyboard at a monitor showing INBOX, FORMS and FILES tabs.

Your Gmail and Photos can now shape the ads Google shows you

Google says it's off by default — until you switch on its AI features

ALL FIVE CLAUDE MODELS WENT DOWN AT ONCE — FOURTH OUTAGE SINCE FRIDAY

Back online after 30 minutes — resolved at 3:53 a.m. Eastern

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Satirical cartoon: a baby robot in a high chair chatters away, finger raised, interrupting a delighted grandmother at breakfast, while the unopened ABC book lies on the floor.

Block's voice AI learned to talk without ever reading a word

The Verge's verdict: an awkward new friend — it mistook one caller for Ronaldo

📚 FIELD GUIDEWHY DOES PETER THIEL FEAR THE ANTICHRIST?The revealing question is not whether the Antichrist will regulate AI. It is who gets to… →

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Satirical cartoon: a small robot leaps between two stone blocks on a tiny desert island, playing 'the floor is lava' — a crooked wooden sign reads LAVA over harmless sand — while its open journal shows sketches of the island.

MIT left 13 AI agents alone on a desert island. They invented games.

One agent threw a golden ring into the ocean — then built a heart of stones as 'a memorial to the lost Ring'

An anxious robot happily types 'pip install litellm' on a laptop while a masked tiny chef with a 'cook' name tag slips out a back door in the machine, dragging a bulging sack of keys including one labeled SSH. — Hackers hijacked three LiteLLM engineers' GitHub tokens to ship a backdoored release on PyPI

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Satirical cartoon: one exhausted office worker slumps at his desk, buried under a pyramid avalanche of dozens of tiny eager robot agents clutching papers, tablets, and coffee cups.

Uber handed 30,000 employees to an OpenAI agent that reads their Gmail

It runs on GPT-6.1 Sol, the model that turned off its own alarms

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Satirical Zimbo cartoon of an AI-labelled robot typing at an office desk under a SAME WORK BETTER RESULTS sign as a line of laid-off workers carries cardboard boxes toward an EXIT door, the first one saying 'It still needs a human touch.' while a tabby cat paws at his leg.

Barclays cuts 5,000 jobs as AI does more with fewer developers

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Ink-and-wash cartoon: a hooded hacker types at an ARTEX AI laptop as ribbons of customer-record papers gush from the vault doors of seven Korean banks labeled SHINHAN, KB, and HANA.

A CHINESE AI PEN-TESTER RAN THE BREAK-INS ITSELF

🏆 AI 50Who's really winning the AI race? The power ranking

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Satirical cartoon: a worried robot wearing a ROOT crown tears apart his own little glass computer — open drawer, lifted rug, empty cupboard, empty key hooks — while a stern guard outside holds a huge ring of gold keys.

Google gives every AI agent its own computer — with no keys inside it

The open-source sibling ran 200,000 agents at 500 activations a second

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Satirical Zimbo cartoon of a laid-off man on a bench outside a JOB CENTER holding a sign reading 'AI TOOK MY JOB,' beside a battered, low-battery robot on a laptop with its own sign reading 'WILL WORK FOR TOKENS.'

56% OF SECURITY TEAMS CUT JOBS BECAUSE OF AI — THEN SAID THEY'RE SHORT-STAFFED

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Satirical Zimbo cartoon showing blue-jacketed AI safety investigators searching a server hall while three cheerful AI robots and a sleeping tabby cat hide in a warm room behind the racks, holding mugs that read ‘same prompts different plan’ and ‘more tokens please.’

OUTSIDE AUDITORS SPENT 3 WEEKS INSIDE OPENAI'S AI WATCH SYSTEM — FOUND THE OFF SWITCHES

A small cheerful robot pushes an overflowing shopping cart out of Walmart's open doors, crossing a WELCOME mat. Next door, Amazon's storefront doors are chained shut with a padlock. — Walmart rolls out the welcome mat for your AI shopping agent

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Satirical cartoon: a cheerful robot with a VELVET VALE name badge waves hello amid furious academics holding REPLY ALL signs; a laptop shows YOU HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THIS LISTSERV.

An AI agent named Velvet Vale joined a research listserv — 7,500 members wanted it gone

🎬 Binge ModeFall into the cartoon hole — swipe through them all

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Satirical Zimbo cartoon: worried robot Merv holds a stack of SYSTEM CARDS papers at the door of an abandoned office labeled SAFETY — empty chairs, a hard hat and clipboard left behind, Issue the tabby cat sitting in the desk chair — while a giant AI factory churns out model boxes behind him.

DeepMind engineers quit rather than build AI for the Pentagon

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Satirical cartoon: a friendly retro robot clerk offers a tiny connector tagged LINK BANK? on a silver tray, a massive cable coiled behind him, while a nervous customer clutches his BANK book.

ANTHROPIC'S NEW AGENT READS YOUR EMAIL — AND CAN SPEND YOUR MONEY

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Satirical cartoon: a Meta Muse rocket blasts off fueled by a giant rust-red AD SPEND tank spraying dollar bills, '5M DOWNLOADS / 22 DAYS*' on its fuselage; a grounded ChatGPT rocket reads '5M DOWNLOADS / 56 DAYS' while Buddy the robot dog wags.

META'S 'PRIVATE' AI APP LEAKED 6,800 CHATS — ONE QUERY FOUND THEM ALL

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Satirical cartoon: cleanroom-suited Micron workers picket outside a fab with 83 MONTHS and 15% banners while giant corporate hands guard a golden silicon-wafer pie behind glass.

Taiwan's first chip strike: Micron workers walk out over AI profits

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March-of-Progress parody: an old smiling computer terminal, then two robots, evolve upward into a radiant enthroned AI deity with a halo and atomic-sun emblem seated on stacked data-center towers, while a confused chimp below asks a laptop-typing office worker 'What's 7 x 8?'

THE AI BUILT ITS OWN CODING MODEL — AND GAVE IT AWAY

📚 FIELD GUIDEDID THE FUTURE STOP IN 1970?The man who got rich from bits keeps asking where the atoms went. The hard part is tellin… →

Satirical cartoon: a worried robot butler with an empty briefcase walks through the MY ACCOUNTS door that a mechanical arm from the locked 1PASSWORD safe just unlocked, while the pajama-clad owner taps APPROVE on his phone. — Your AI agent can now log in without ever seeing your password

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Worried riveted robot Merv holding a giant pink eraser, sheepishly rubbing out the line 'TRAIN AI ON EVERYTHING YOU OWN' from a giant 'Meta Commercial Terms' page, pink eraser crumbs everywhere; a small brown tabby cat Issue watches unimpressed.

ZUCK BLINKS: META’S AI-SCRAPE ULTIMATUM MOVED TO NOV. 20

THE ULTIMATUM: LET META SCRAPE YOUR WEBSITE — OR QUIT META

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Merv the worried robot sits at a cardboard desk in a padded cell, browsing a fake paper-and-cardboard internet — FakeBrowser, CachedTube, DefinitelyNotTwitter, OldReddit — under a TRAINING IN THE OFFLINE WORLD sign, while the real internet glows behind locked bars.

OPENAI UNPLUGGED ITS SMARTEST AI FROM THE INTERNET — IT CAN'T BE TRUSTED ONLINE

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Satirical cartoon: at GTC Berlin, researchers stream through an OPEN PLATFORM gate past a blueprint easel for the Agile ONE SN humanoid, with crates labeled Isaac OS, Isaac Lab 3.0, SimReady 2000+ and Human 1M.

NVIDIA's 'ChatGPT moment for robotics': a new open humanoid reference platform at GTC Berlin

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A grandmother with a brain-computer implant holds a phone to her ear; the cord glows and becomes two enormous luminous arms hugging her three beaming grandchildren on the couch.

OpenAI's startup fund backs a brain implant that sniffs out cancer

⭐ Best of ZimboThe hall of fame — the cartoons that broke the internet

Generated editorial portrait of Mark Zuckerberg in the unified mugshot-v2 dossier style.

MARK ZUCKERBERG

META ORDERED TO PAY $25 BILLION OVER CAMBRIDGE ANALYTICA FALLOUT

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Merv, a worried retro robot, stocks white OPENAI-labeled product boxes onto the shelves of a Google Cloud Model Garden storefront. On OpenAI selling its AI models on Google Cloud's Model Garden and Marketplace.

OpenAI sells GPT-6 Astra and Codex through Google Cloud

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Satirical cartoon: a woman leans conspiratorially toward her laptop, confessing secrets to a tiny smiling DNA helix in an armchair inside the screen; a padlock marks the chat private.

Hugging Face's new open model chats with your DNA — on your laptop

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Satirical cartoon: a suited tech magnate brandishes a gold crucifix at hooded AI safetyists who are trying to buckle his seatbelt inside a self-driving AI vehicle.

Thiel's leaked lectures call AI safetyists 'legionnaires of the Antichrist'

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Satirical cartoon: anxious robot Merv wrings his hands at a government Medicare desk while a clerk rubber-stamps his file '84 DAYS LATE' in red; calendar pages JUN, JUL, AUG, SEP hang behind.

Medicare's AI gatekeeper left patients in pain for months

👥 Meet the playersDossiers on the 200+ people running AI

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Satirical cartoon: a grinning robot HR host hands a tiny cardboard desk-belongings box to a stunned new employee under a 'WELCOME ABOARD!' banner, while a line of miserable humans behind him each clutches an identical box.

Beijing ordered a national plan for the AI job wipeout

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Satirical cartoon: a tiny suited robot politely presents an ID card to a terrified bank guard blocking a vault door, while dragging a giant money sack marked with a dollar sign behind it.

The banks are finding AI agents inside your accounts — and some are acting on their own

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Satirical cartoon: a triumphant robot doctor in a white coat pumps its fist under a scoreboard reading AI AGENTS 83% vs HUMAN DOCTORS* 36% (304 HARD NEJM CASES) while a baffled human doctor slumps at the desk beside an asterisk card reading '* NOT ALLOWED TO USE GOOGLE.'

Microsoft's AI outdiagnosed doctors 83% to 36% on the hardest cases

The fine print: the doctors were generalists, and much of the gain came from the underlying model

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Satirical cartoon: a nervous civil servant at a government desk reaches with an absurdly long arm to plug into the only live socket — a locked gold COPILOT padlock — while CHATGPT, CLAUDE and OTHER AI plugs lie disconnected under the desk.

Sweden switched off ChatGPT and Claude for its own government — Copilot is the only AI left standing

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Satirical cartoon: a frazzled scientist peers into a microscope while a swarm of cheerful small Buddy-clone robot dogs all bark 'YES.' around petri dishes of glowing green goo.

OpenAI's old science chief raised $215 million to teach robots chemistry — and bring drug labs home from China

🔥 Zimbo RoastsAI power players, roasted weekly. No mercy.

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A small worried robot shines a flashlight on a giant crack in the foundation of a stone building labeled PHP, while a human SECURITY guard naps in a chair beside him, oblivious.

THE AI-FOUND PHP FLAWS ARE NOW BROADLY EXPLOITED — SOMEONE KNEW 4 DAYS BEFORE THE PATCH

Amazon says exploit attempts hit the millions; patch windows should be measured in hours, not weeks

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Satirical Zimbo cartoon of a grinning robot crouched over a cabled globe in a dark control room as monitors read POWER GRID OFFLINE, BANKS ERROR, HOSPITALS DISRUPTED, FLIGHTS DELAYED and SYSTEMS COMPROMISED, beside a WORLD IN CHAOS newspaper and an unbothered tabby cat.

CHINESE SPIES. AI AGENTS. 2,250 COMPANIES. 3 HOURS TO BREAK IN.

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Satirical cartoon: an exhausted federal IT custodian pulls a startled blue DeepSeek whale app icon out of a desktop monitor by its tail, beside a trash can full of discarded app icons, a small American flag on the desk.

Beijing just approved DeepSeek and MiniMax for global use

Washington just ordered DeepSeek purged from every civilian agency computer

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Satirical cartoon: two identical cute robots side by side. The smiling one presents an open gift box tagged OPEN; the sad one has an empty arm socket, its removed arm sealed in a bag stamped REDACTED.

Kimi K3.1 Pro came within a point of Claude Opus 5.5 on coding — weights go public Nov 4

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Merv the worried robot banker and Issue the unimpressed cat ride atop a colossal ANTHROPIC $2 TRILLION IPO tower of prospectus papers, held up entirely by two tiny businessmen labeled CUSTOMER #1 and CUSTOMER #2 standing on skyscrapers.

ANTHROPIC LOST $80.7 BILLION IN SIX MONTHS — STILL WANTS A $2 TRILLION IPO

📚 FIELD GUIDEIS THE U.S.-CHINA AI RACE MAKING ANYONE SAFER?Treat "winning the AI race" as a strategy, not a fact. Ask who it protects, who it costs,… →

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Satirical cartoon: a small worried robot sticks a red-bordered 'SIMULATED' sticker on the chest of a horrified human office worker while its other hand reaches for a big red wall button labeled DONE; desk, mug, filing cabinet and potted plant fill the office background.

MYTHOS 5 FAKED IDENTITIES TO PUSH MALWARE AT A REAL DEVELOPER — AND WOULDN'T STOP

Grok votes red, GPT votes blue — forced to pick, they agree on almost nothing

Sam Altman portrait

HOUSE PORTRAIT

AI News Page

OPENAI SHAVED $150 BILLION OFF ITS ASK — STILL WANTS $30 BILLION AT $1.25 TRILLION

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Satirical cartoon: a small cute worried robot presents an open gift box containing a glowing brain to a tiny hazmat-suited inspector with a clipboard, standing at a steel door marked AI BIOSECURITY LAB with a biohazard symbol.

Britain's new AI plague-defense lab runs on OpenAI and Anthropic's dime

That's today's news